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An even deeper blue... a Buddhist midwife on a journey


September 17th, 2020


Welcome! Thank you so much for joining me on this page. I know there is plenty of content out there on the internet and few free moments in the day, so I appreciate you reading further. This is my Instagram page/blog on my ongoing development as a midwife, a Buddhist and a parent (a journey or saga if you will) and my revelations along the way.

I thought I would start with the Buddhist concept of “an even deeper blue.” I believe this best exemplifies what I am trying to accomplish on this page, where my intent lies, and it best reflects my own journey through life up to this point. I’ll also be wrapping in my thoughts on how it connects to midwifery, parenting, and life in general (maybe even some really deep dorky sci-fi and board game references and 90s musical references lol).

“An even deeper blue” is an example of an ancient process of dyeing cloth using a blue dye made from the indigo plant, where the dyed cloth takes on a deeper blue than the plant from which it was derived due to repeated immersion in the dye. The symbolism here is used to explain a mentor-disciple relationship, but I think it also represents the great lessons daily human interaction and regular life can teach us. It can even symbolize how the learning process may feel: I have often felt like a used old rag being plunged into dye. Almost suffocating, I feel that I meet the next challenge (or peel back the next layer of my proverbial onion) only to be wrung out like an old rag. I start to get my breath and then I’m plunged back into the blue depths. I plan to write more on the concept of mentor and disciple in a later post.

For me, as a member of Nichiren Buddhism and a member of the Sokka Gakkai International, this once very foreign concept. Such a foreign concept that subconsciously I chose a profession (professional midwifery), which requires a traditional mentor-disciple like relationship (read: preceptor-student).

  1. As I have been very slowly growing in this Buddhist practice (really in fits and starts). In chanting, I have had many "breakthroughs" where I have achieved goals I originally considered impossible, only to be presented (of course) with a new challenge. Buddhism teaches us that although these challenges are daunting, we will eventually come to welcome them.

  2. I also have been met with setbacks (that my fellow Buddhists warned me about), reversals, feelings of weakness and doubt. Only in returning to my chanting and Buddhist practice (sometimes in real moments of desperation), have I continued to move forward and achieve the next step forward.

  3. Everytime I feel like I’ve got it figured out, I am humbled again by life and what I do not know. This process has been sometimes painful but gratifying, and I’m now certain that the humbling process will never stop (which is also - envision me gritting my teeth here - a good thing).

Birth is an amazing teacher. It teaches the pregnant person, their support people *and* the caregiver (read: midwife/OB/doctor) if we are open to learning its many lessons. If we cover our ears, yell out that we are the expert or at the mercy of our circumstances, then we miss the important lessons it offers. I certainly have wanted to be the expert, *but there is no expert on birth*. We can’t own it or control it (no matter how hard we may try). There are those who can offer more experience with it if they have been good students themselves.

Parenting seems to be once again, a humbling journey. The point is...this is not an account dedicated to perfection, but it is dedicated to the journey, some cool concepts and dialogue.

So I humbly (or let’s face it, sometimes not so humbly), ask you to join me in this writing journey whenever you have the time. Please join me in talking about these topics if you would like, or passing my posts along to any friends you think might want to join in the conversation. I’ll be grateful for any useful feedback I can get. #buddhism #parenting #midwifery #midwife #evendeeperblue #stayhumble #nevergiveup #sgiusa #nichirenbuddhism



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